Starts and Stops

Ready, set, GO!

Then stop. Restart. Take a step back. Rush forward.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life moved in a straight and consistent line? I’ve heard that for some people it moves that way. They make a plan. The plan moves steadily forward towards a goal. Sometimes there is a speed bump or a jolt that derails the plan, but for the most part it’s pretty constant. Or at least that’s what it looks like from the outside.

I’m more of a wanderer I guess. Taking in the pieces of life that come at me sideways is both frustrating and exhilarating. A joyful beautiful day in the garden inspires me more than sitting at the computer. And then in a mad rush I can spend days online, doing all the dirty work that’s needed to try to run a successful business. I make schedules and to-do lists, then gleefully throw them out the window and go for a ride instead. Covered in paint and mud. Breathing in all the goodness of living. 

Is that a bad thing? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s a darker disbelief in my ability to actually be successful. A grumpy little sneaking goblin telling me I’m a fool. 

Whatever it is, I like to think that my path will be a beautiful one. I don’t really care where it ends up so much as I care about valuing each step. There are achievements I want to make along the way, and I’d be lying if I said they didn’t matter. They do. But I don’t want to miss the joy of feeling my legs running and heart pounding because I’m only looking at the end. There’s really no end anyway, is there?